L.o.n.e.l.y

Relaxing week, I wouldn't prefer this. It's not I do not have things to do, well I do. Essays are coming up though :\

Tuesday, the same routine, I met up with Deviani, Elina, Stephani and Irene. Always great fun to have the girls' talk. Haha. Oups, I forget to pay Deviani for the chips though. I owe her #3.25!! After that, went home. And chatted with sister and Martin. Everytime I have the conversation with them, it feels good. I feel that i am not lonely, and I still can have them while I am in Melbourne. Weird. Lack of motivation that Martin claimes he has, makes me think again. Unconciously, I always feel guilty.

On Wednesday, I didn't have a tight schedule for the day. I had one tute in the morning. Went to the last session of Professional series where the mentor taught me how to plan the future, who I am and and what I want to be. That's the most challenging thing I have encountered. I know myself, I always try to avoid the 'planning' part of my life. Not that I don't think about it or care, but it's just..hhmm...I am not ready yet. Yet, I did all the things that the mentor wanted me to start thinking, and I guess, it's a good start.

At night, I have a dinner. This particular dinner lead me thinking why can't I resist the 'temptation'? Since I am alone here, the greatest challenge is the need to have someone's company. It comes again. I have to admit, there are a side of me that other people don't know. I want to reveal it sometimes, but i couldn't take the risk of losing people's faith on me. Isn't that the way U live in this world? The best feeling is to be able to express urself in whatever circumtances U are in. That's how sometimes I think. U are blessed when U have someone/partner who is actually care and understand you regardless of what happens. It's not they tolerate you too much, but U urself always know what they can do anything, includes accepting the good and bad side of you. And no judging. of course I can find this in friends or close family members too...but again, it's a complete different scenario.

I do feel worthless too, sometimes. I know people appreciate me. I guess I am being demanding. But I coulnd't help it. Irene has JRMY, Jen has Mr. Cheah and Valene has MING. Everyone has someone. Jimmy (Nandos), Sister, Vita, etc...almost everyone in my circle of friends, they all have someone. Me? Not technically ::: All these are just thought that I am willing to type. Importantly, I am not suffering though. There won't be gals' night out this Fri..This Sat, September 17, I will have a Bday cake for Andrew.A at Nandos, it should be a minor surprise. Feel sorry of he has to work on his bday. And also, I will be working with Jimmy and friends, so it's be fun.

O yeah, quick update. Allan, the virtual friend I have, is working now, in one of the company in KL. We haven't had the chance to chat no more. But I received his FS mssg today, feel happy for him. He is busy, important thing is he is enjoying every single thing he has now.
Good luck!

June