Not the best Saturday

My heart pains. A lot reasons to this. I feel that I fail to please the people (more than 1) I love. I don't know exactly what I have done to them. Do I actually hurt them really without any intention? Or am I too stupid to NOT know what I have done? Have I always been aware of the consequences of every step that I make? Seriously, I feel so bad today. I wish I can just vanish from this world.

Talk to someone, knowing that how much in pain he is. I can hardly stand. My emotion is crawling like the wave in the ocean. There's no instant direction. So, what should I so to be wise? Again? Why all the idealistic way of thinking is always there? I hate this. What about my emotion and feelings? I am also normal human being.I tell myself, I need to STAND FIRM, regardless of how I emotionally weak...

I offended someone at my work today, not intentionally. I apologized though, but no response :( The sad thing is that, he took it personally. He might be too sensitive, but it's his prerogative. I am sometimes sensitive too. But, it actually affected me. Really! I hate it becoz it made me hate myself, which I shouldn't.
I hate to be ignored as a person, it doesn't feel right. I try my best to please everyone, but what do I get? I know, I need to sincerely please others..can't ask for more, But..I am also normal human being. I just need some respect and appreciation.

I guess, I have always post unhappy part of my life. That's sad. I wish I can be myself more, yet I want to be 'full of life' like others.

FIJIIIIIIIII...btw, quick updates. I am going to Fiji with the gals this Nov. Well, the booking is to be made soon. Hopefully, it'll be the best memorable trip I ever had with my friends....First time not with my family though.

June