Life is short

Is love the most important thing in this world? Any kind of love will lead someone to suffer the pain of losing the loved one. U will feel sad when U are left out alone. And also, when he/she is not there anymore when U are so used with their existance in your life. Sadly, that what we need to live with in this world.

It hurts when U know your friend need a shoulder to cry on, but at the same time, you can't help her ease the pain. Today, Jennifer came to Nandos when I was working. She came and hugged me then cried with me holding a meal on my hand. The bad news was Angie, one of the DJ in Syn.fm died in a car accident in Korea. I knew this girl from Jen's story. I guess thing happens for reason. I could actually feel the pain when I talked to Jen just now on the phone. I totally understood, I myself almost cried too when I realize, Life is too short. What is important is to really treasure the moment U have now with anyone U love.

I really want to tell someone "please GO if U are not staying!". Love hurts. Maybe I need to re-arrange my life. I know I am kinda waiting for something uncertain. But I am getting sick of this. I truly feel for someone. Maybe to wait is one of my options. Yet, I am so uncertain now. I want to stay, at the same time, I don't dare to. Coz there's noone can convince me, not even myself, that this is a good idea. Yenny has ever told me, for sure I deserve someone better in life. I don't need to worry about anything yet. Coz that someone will actually come to my life. And who knows, it'll be soon. Live with the memories in the past is useless and pointless. Sometimes it's good as a feedback. Or to make myself feel good, that I had ever had that moments, though actually it hurts me in present time.

:June

Strawberries...pick them & eat them!

Welcome to Mornington Peninsula, 1-2 hour drive from Melbourne city, where I found my fresh and original Strawberries..they shine and somehow tell U to 'pick me'. Haha.

Anyway, the trip was originally planned by my housemate, Karni. It was a getaway for everyone before the semester starts next week. Partly, it's also becoz Yenny (the Moomooland Girl) was still staying with us. Therefore,this trip was planned. But if I have to say, maybe it's not the best trip ever. Was a bit unorganized. Though we had already predicted the late comers..as we always do expect them to be, but there were some other unpredicted errors which ruined the trip. For example, we were supposed to visit 5 places (incl. the Strawberry Farm). At the end, we only made it for 3 places (the Strawberry Farm, the Ashcombe Maze and Arthur Seat). We sort of wasted 2 admission tickets we had already paid for.

Strawberry Farm. I forgot how much actually I paid for the entrance, coz Karni calculated everything, including the car rent on that day. Thus, I didn't know the details. Went in the strawberry farm around 11am. We went in with a yellow bucket. It may fit like 1 kg for the full-filled bucket. And the deal it's free for the 1st 1/2kg of the Strawberries you've picked. U pay for the next kg and so on.
All the shiny strawberries are so Fresh..unbelievable! And I got a tips from my friend. He told me the small strawberries taste better. They are sweet. Correcto. My Strawberries are not even 1/2kg, thus, I didn't pay for my strawberries. Cool =p

2nd, the Authur Seat. Great view or the coast and the city of Melbourne within the cloud. So nice. It made me feel that I was really 'out' of Melbourne. There was chair lifts, where people sit on to "enjoy the scenic natural bushland and view across Port Phillip Bay to Melbourne & beyond". People have to pair up for the seat, and I sat with Hendri, one of my friends in Nandos who came with us that day :). Had a nice chat with him too.

The Ashcombe Maze. It was a place where they have all these circular green bushes, like a puzzled garden. Wow, so confusing. We were supposed to play a game inside the maze. Guess, to find some hidden items. Maybe, there would be a price at the end. But..ended up not playing. Coz wasted too much time, when we were still planning to go somewhere else. And, it started to rain. Too bad.

Good times bad times. It was such a good trip, coz Yenny was having fun with her new experiences. With the Melbourne Zoo, her first time seeing girrafes, Haha. Also, this trip, which I hope she did enjoy. During the journey in the car, we both were in the same car. I knew that she was 'suffering' from the non-stop hits from someone in the car. Sometimes, I just couldn't understand, why in this world, there are people who are so self-centered and are attention-seekers. I know, I have no right to judge, maybe I am one of them. Yet, this is just one of the un-tolerable moments in my life. When U have to listen to someone's complains and can't get away from them at the same time.
Anyway, Yenny left Melbourne, to Gippsland this afternoon. Hope she enjoyed her time staying with us these last few days. And hope that she will come back again soon. So the unit 2513 in QV will not be 'too quiet' and sometimes intense.

Quick updates from Nandos. I worked for 6 hours, straight, today. It was amazingly busy today. Therfore, I was so tired. And the manager in charge told me to stay for another 1 hour extra. So exhausted and tired. It was good though. Money is hard to get. U need to earn it! Therefore, I never complain. No Excuses, remember?! Moreover, I am going to buy a sport shoes (coz I need one actually). So, I'd better kick my ass to earn that money, and buy it with my money. Wish me luck.

June

Sometimes

Williamstown was awesome! Went there with Fadhilah and Renny on last Sunday (19th Feb). Went there with a Sunday Saver ticket..so cheap. $2.50 for the whole day, from zone 1-3. Cool! Went there around 12. This place makes me think of having a house there, with a car (maybe). Especially when my Bro is coming, and we can both settle down. Now I wish, in 2-3 years time, I have had enough money to buy a house. Maybe I can pay half of the down payment =)

The plan this Weekend is to go to the Strawberry Farm with friends and housemates. We hired cars, and some of the boys will need to drive us there. Been discussing about this trip for quite a while, like a week. And hopefully it turns out to be a good one. We are planning to make some sushi for snacking..maybe. Apparently, I will write more about this trip once I finish my trip =)
Anyway..YEnny (the girl that acts like a housemate to someone) is still staying with us for 2-3 more days. Bought her to Ikea on Monday.Bought lots of SPOKA (the cute table lights). And will bring her to the Melbourne Zoo on this Thursday..Haha. What a holiday! Can't believe this all will end soon, like next week. Fiuh...

Sometimes I can be a little bit too loud and 'crazy' that freak my friends out. Maybe. Am I going to an indepth stress? Hope not.
Sometimes I can feel like I am always a burden to someone else. Sometimes I see myself as noone. When something really important to me is like nothing for others. When noone listens when U need them to. When U are kinda 'left out' or neglected. When I try to be strong, and pretend like nothing really matters to me, I realise it hurts me more.
I feel loved. By my friends, or maybe housemates. Everything seems to be so nice. Then again, I think all these good times will pass without me knowing. I can't deny the fact within this. I miss that someone who I wish he could fill my day. So that we can share the moments. Miss someone who really sees me.

June

If I could

Lately, I have been experiencing a lot of domestic stress. Things with my moody housemates and some of my demanding friends. Life sometimes can be so complicated that I think I rather 'give up'. But, I always like to fight against myself. Try to contradict myself a lot. Coz by doing that, I am being less emotional. So I have no excuse to not deal with the obstacles in life..

Anyway, This toothache is killing me. THink, I really have to have a checkup for my neglected teeth. Hope it gets better soon, so I don't need to see the doctor..pliz.

I went to PortMelb on Friday morning. Just felt like staying away from people I know. Went there by myself for the first time. Trust Me, Never go to a place alone! unless U are ready for an unexpected stranger. Something annoyed me though that day.
Anyway, I question myself. Am I someone who can never take care or protect myself from stranger? Like those people who knows me well enough always say, that I am sometimes too naive. They can laugh at me, as some people do, but I never plan to be that naive. People learn from experience, don't they?

Dream, wishes, realization?
There are times when I remember my dream. And there are times when I feel like it's a De Javu when my dream happens in my real life. Anyway, I dreamt of someone yesterday. So special. Feel as though it's real. Yet it's not. Maybe becoz I miz him. The strange thing is that it happened when me, my housemates, and Yenny (a girl who visits us now) slept in the living room, for real. And in that dream, he was there with us all. Weird.
Btw, so glad to have Yenny here. She is so much fun. So herself. She lives in Gipppsland, 2 hours from the city of Melbourne. She is staying with us, maybe for a week before she goes back to the MOO MOO land (That's what she calls her Gippsland's University. Why? According to her, she can see cows everywhere..that's why it's MOO MOO ;)

June

...

No one to talk to when I need someone to be physically there
Even there is someone, it just isn't right
No one can help me except myself, coz no one can understand me fully
Just confused and lost
Want to tell myself, nothing is impossible in this world..yet I can't prove that yet.
Feeling so down, but I will not let this tears fall!
Want to run away, I can't.
Want to hide, there's no room to hide.
Want to make myself a relief, I can't.
Want to disappear, I can't.
Sorry I can't have my positive thinking now.

Bits and pieces

Went to have dinner with Fadhilah and Renny yesterday night. Two old friends from my Foundation study in RMIT 3 years ago. They are both going back for good next month. We went to eat Japanese and continued with Choco Fundae @ Max Brenner, just like heaven. Choco is always irresistable. Another farewell is coming soon :(

Finally I found the book I have been longing since Nov last year. The book called No Excuses by Kyle Maynard. Although I haven't finish reading, I would say, it's a MUST read. This book is about a 20-years-old man with his arms that end at the elbows and legs that end at the knees. It thought me that 'Nothing is impossible' in this world. What an inspiring story. When he made no excuses for his potential disability. Can't wait to finish the book.

My awareness is extremely intense. Something distracts me everytime I want to post a new entry in this blog. If I write too much, I might offend someone whom I mention in my entry. I have no intention to. Think, I was wrong at the first place to have exposed my blog. Coz, regardless of them judging me (I am over that stage), I don't want to offend them at all. Or make them feel uncomfortable with my honest expression.

Everyone around me now may not be able to support me as much as I wish they could now. Coz maybe some part of me is not doing the right thing. Yes, support is there, but they also don't want to let me down. I know what I am doing, and have to bare with the consequences. Of course, poeple hope for a happy ending. But at the same time, if things to do with feelings or maybe Love, U can't have it logically. I will just cherish the moment I have. Maybe I look like a fool, or too easy going. Too easy to go with the flow..yet, I never want to regret without trying. As long as I know when and where to 'stop'.

June

Silent Valentine

Dear Irene..Happy Valentine's Day! Hope U had a great day today. I met up with Jennifer, after for more than 1 month I went back home for holiday. She looks pretty. Her hair undoubtly grows faster than I thought. Yet, she is really good. Went to have dinner with Shannon too, at the Lounge , great meals! Love the Pizza. Not too expensive too.

Anyway, on Valentine's day, I had my enrolment for my course. My God, I think, I am being more racist now...oupsie. Just a little bit. Can't stand those people who are easily freaked out with the system in the computer. Well, maybe I was like that when I first came to Melb, couldn't blame anyone. Went to the bank in the afternoon. And when I was walking on the street, I came across there were a lot of people either holding rose or walking with their partners. Envy, yes, a little bit. To anticipate this feeling, I told myself, I can be happy around the people who cherish me and love me the way I am. Maybe I am longing for someone, but I can't ask for more, can I?

A mixture of feeling at the moment. I wish I could...If only it could be...If only people don't have expectations within themselves. If only Love is simple, as simple as a white T-shirt with a name on it. If only those sacrifices worth..

Happy Valentine to everyone who's just finished reading this entry. May we share our love unconditionally..


June
11.33pm (melb time)

Back in Melb

Welcome back to Melb.So so excited to start Uni later this month. I am going to do Master of Accounting. Actually there's a fear within me. I miscalculate everything lately, really bad with numbers :( I'll do my best though, hopefully I can get it.
My housemates came and picked me up in the Airport that morning. Jackson rented a car and drove them to the Airport. Thanks a lot. Really appreciated that and felt appreciated too.

Been back for 2 days. Missing home and my Dog, Ricky. Who's gonna feed him at lunch time now? And who's gonna make stupid jokes just to make the family laugh? Who's gonna help my mum out (though just a little bit) with the household stuffs? Although there were some annoying things in Medan, remember the phrase "Home sweet home". I wonder how I can cope if one day I have to leave Melb and go back to Medan for good. It can be the biggest challenge I can think of now. Love Melb too much, yet another half of me is in Medan.

Another thing that I am experiencing now is my life without some of my closest friends. Used to have some close friends, but now they are back for good to their home countries. I hate farewell as much as I hate cigarette/smoker. At the end of the day, nothing is absolute. I know that. Irene girl, good luck with everything U'll have in KL now. So gonna miss U..

Conflicts are inevitable. I thought it's easy to live with someone U have already known for ages. Someone who is considered to be your close friend. It's HARD. I know people have different personalities. I would prefer to avoid rather than be a selfish girl. If I can tolerate yet not afraid to speak out my mind..think it's a fair deal. It's HARD when it's not my problem, at the same time, I am stuck in it. Hope this won't have affected me later when I start my UNI. I can't stand the loudness or the tension in the house while I need to concentrate on my study as the same time.

He turned 17

Originally it was on the 3rd Feb, but we decided to have the party on the 4th (Sat night).

Now I know, how stressing U could be to be some sort of 'event organizer'. I helped my lil Bro to arrange a Bday celebration for himself. I bought the cake for him in the afternoon. Had a list of friends that he would invite. I didn't know anyone listed though, thus it's harder for me to tick those who had or hadn't come on the night. Tradionally, Medan guests will never come on time. We could only start the party 1 hour late. Lucky, there's no exclusive presenter that night.

I like it when everything is settled. And have to admit, I like to do everything myself. I realise that sometimes I can be 'scary' too. It was a mess when the manager of the restaurant Hanamasa wanted to count how many people were there (Coz it's a Buffet). Though I had the list, but it's the procedure I guess. Some of the friends weren't on their seat, that's why it's getting a bit hard. Nvm..

Mum and Dad were there too, along with my Aunts and lil cousins. I was supposed to eat with my family too that night. I didn't. Too occupied with myself I guess. Can't think of any food to fill my empty stomach ;) Regardless of the stressing moments I had that night, I did enjoy the process a lot.
PS: I fulfilled my goals. Went back home this holiday to celebrate both my Sis and Bro's Bday. Have my CNY with my family..DONE!

Current situation:
: Missing someone special
: Missing Melb city and all the routines I have there
: Thinking about my girls (in KL and Melb)..what's up?
: Trying hard to act wisely..and never take anything for granted

June

More updates

In less than 1 week, I'll be back in Melb.
Here are some more updates I have in Jan 2006:
: Spent my Chinese New Year with my beloved family
: A lot of 'disagreement' with my family members, Yeah..sadly
: Went to KL for 5 days, Great friends great time! Thanks for giving me the chance to..
: Met up with old friends in Medan, after CNY. Including some special ones.
: Did some household stuffs, coz the maid is gone.
: In transformation mode..
: more more more...(to be continued when I am back)