Some updates

Currently in Medan, my home town. I've met my dad.

I've missed Melbourne badly. Including all the people there.
Feeling confused and idle in Medan. Can't really go anywhere, anytime with whoever I want to. Well, fortunately, I have my loved ones here. That helps.

Read Irene's blog. Feeling a lil bit weird. When I go back to Melb, I won't have this beloved friend to go out with on Friday night no more, or have coffee time with Elina and Steph :(
ANyway, Irene, if U are reading this..U know how much I will miss U..but I hope U have ur best in Malaysia. I do.

The best is yet to come, isn't it? Last week, I had a fight with someone I love the most in this world. My mum. I was rude and I think I insulted her with my words. I am sorry mum! I rather kill myself than seeing her sad again. People change, but I know, I need to justify this in front of my mum. Coz for her, I am always her lil daugther. Understood..Really.

June

My mum's trip in Melbourne

Finally, after 2 1/2 years in Melbourne with no family members in Melbourne, I have my mum visit me for my Graduation. So so so happy. I am a Graduate *winks*. I think, I was not too excited about the graduation itself. Maybe a lil bit. What amazed me was the fact that I was so excited to have my mum in Melbourne. First up on the list, I wanted to show her where I work, Nandos . Not until the last day when we had dinner at Nandos, I knew that mum loves the Chicken Thighs Fillets with Rib sauce and Extra Hot sauce, rather then the normal 1/2 Chicken. HHmm...if only I knew it earlier.

My beloved mum is a conservative mum. She is sometimes reserved. It's either because of her inability to communicate in English or she is shy. Touring around Melbourne with her was quite exhausting though. If I could feel tired, I am sure she was more tired than me. The places she loves most maybe is Big W , a retail store selling everything from chocolates, kitchenware, electronics to appliances. She is the typical mum, loves to see and browse every single rows filled with kitchenwares. Haha.

On her first day in Melbourne, mum has bought my Dad a black leather hat. For him to wear while riding his Harley, maybe. How cool is that? I guess, they both are really dependent and attached to each other. She was concerned when she found out one night dad slept at 8pm, which was really rare. "Just tired or was he sick?".

On the graduation day. I met up with Irene's and Valene's gank @ Bowen Lane in RMIT to take picture with our graduation gawns. Woohoo..finally. 1st round was at 11.30 am. And the second round was at 5.30 pm, when we met up again before we headed off to Telstra Dome , where the graduation ceremony was held.
Picture session was sooo much fun. I love to see how expressive Irene and her mum are. Secretly, I envy them, just a lil bit. Coz I can never ask mum to take 'funny' or 'crazy' pictures..Hehe. Nvm..I love Mum the way she is. On the night, I could feel my nerve. And I knew Mum was soo tired too plus bored. Coz the whole thing took more than 2 hours. But I am glad to see her chatting with Irene's mum ;), at least they can get along well. I had a great night. Took pictures with Liz, Marion, Auskar, Gavin, the gals and some others.

On her last day in Melbourne, I took her to iKea. She loves most of the things displayed in the showroom. But she said she couldn't buy them all, coz it's not possible to take back home. She loves the Spoka lights. She bought 3 in different colors and shapes. Red, Blue and Green. They are damn cute.

Despite her hesitancy to hug me, especially in the airport that night, overall I spent the last few days full of love ;)

June

Quickly

I will have to renew my Visa back in Indo. I went to the International Office this morning. As always, they can Never help. I just hope that the application goes well, and in 2 weeks time, they can process my application. The sooner the better. I can get my eCOE and I can apply for a new Visa.
Went to Melb Uni too to find out more Info about Biomedical Engineering. Maybe, that's the one for my Bro if he really comes next year. 4 years though..hhmm..

Lately, I have been too relax. Besides catching up with friends, running around for no special reasons. Need some more motivations. Been telling myself, I need to work out, and at the end, I never do. OUps.

Needing someone. I have miss the moment I have someone with me. Now I am listening to a song by Savage Garden, called Santa Monica . So so relaxing. But my favourite is still Truly Madly Deeply . If Only I really experience that in real life. Deeply in love with someone to the extend that I would do anything for the love I feel for him. Is there anything called the 'undemanding' love in the universe?

June

The evil side of me

Yesterday night, Jen stayed over my house. She had drinks with her friends and also with Shannon. This morning I woke up with guilt. I could have given the key to her, so I wouldn't need to wake up in the middle of the night to open my apartment door for her. Which I don't mind..Really! After talking to Jack and Jim this afternoon while I was working, they made me think, I don't trust my friend enough. Why can't I give the key to Jen yesterday night? I feel terribly bad the whole afternoon. I do trust my friend, but sometimes I find myself a little too protective and anti-social..maybe. This is the evil side of me which sometimes freaks me out too. I apologize if I have been a bad person, a bad friend.

I couldn't ask for more. I spent almost a day with Ant last Thursday. He came at 10.30 am, pretty early. I thought, I would be going with him to see his Boss. It's all cancelled. So, the whole day is just for us. We ate lunch @ Paramount. Went to the $9 Lunch Box, Korean..Yum2. Then we walked all the way to Federation Square and took pictures of Xmas decorations in Melb. Got back home and rested for a while..*winks*..and went to Uni with Ant coz he had some stuffs to do. I enjoy the time I have with Ant so much. At least for now, for this year, for these few days before I go back to Indo.

Now I am trying hard to survive with my tight budget. Till my mum comes on Tuesday morning. I don't know why I am not that excited as I thought I would be. Maybe it's becoz my mum herself is not that excited for her 5 days trip to Melb for my graduation. For her, it might be a responsibility as a MUM. I understand that. Coz I am not the only child in the family. Mum has other concern that is more important than my graduation. Indeed, that's real. Money maybe the other hassle. Next year, my younger Bro is going to Uni. That means more money to spend. When I think about it, my Mum and Dad seem to have no choice to choose from YET. They still need to 'support' us. Regardless of what the situation is, I love them the way they are.
Current situation: Trying hard to stand up on my own feet..

June

Dinner @ Irene's

I had an exclusive dinner at Irene's house yesterday night. Her mum cooked dinner for the girls and Andy (Irene's bro). So YUM! I love it. Mum's cooking is always the best. I really can't wait till my mum comes next Tues. After the dinner, I had a lil chat with Irene, there are many surprising updates though. Hhm...we'll continue this Friday. Anyway, the weather was terribly bad. Rain and thunderstorm. Lucky I got home early yesterday night. Unless I would be caught out in the heavy rain which I hate most.

Last Monday, went out for dinner with Jimmy, Jackson and some other Nandos friends. There are some other Nandos chicks too. We went to play pool @ Kingpin in Melb Central. One of the girls had 3 shots of tequila..Wow..Impressive. After pool, we went to Strike @ QV. Instead of playing bowling, I was just watching.

Anyway, I spent $20 on FLowers. Believe it or not. This time around, I'll make sure that they will last for at least 1 week. I love decorating my house, but still, my house is quite a mess.

GEM. I have never heard of this word till one day Gavin, one of my Uni friends, described me as an unpolished Gem. What a compliment. *winks*. I wish I can still see him although he is going back for good to SIngapore soon.

San, she is going to US for sure. I am happy for her, at last she can go to US, to fulfill her wish. Yet at the same time, I know, I will lose another friend. next year will be a challenging year for sure. No Irene, Valene, Gavin, Aries and San in Melbourne. Or maybe other 'close' friends that might not be 'gone' too.

June

'Wait and see'

My blog constantly reveals my personal life and feeling, while others might dedicate their blog for the project they are working on, like Ant. Sometimes I envy him, coz he has so much passion in Lights and design. Maybe my best is yet to come..so, I'll just 'wait and see'..Haha

I have been living by myself for the last 4 days. I wouldn't say it is not boring. I guess, my own character allows me to enjoy this quiet time. As a middle child, this is what I feel. Lonely, left out and have to be independent, coz no one really care. I am not that pathetic though. It's just a cliche. I might be selfish sometimes towards my older sister and my younger brother. I bet, they were constantly pissed off by me. It was me. I couldn't turn back time. But if I have another chance, I would be like to be a more loving sister back then.

IKEA. Ant came and kept me company last Thursday. And we went to Ikea the next day. Before Ikea though, we went to hand in my application form to Artistic Food , the catering company for Commonwealth Games I mentioned before. It was raining..hhmm..and...tick tick..grandma umbrella..HAha.
Back to Ikea. I always love to go to Ikea. So much fun! Love to see the furniture, the bedroom sample with different design..WOW, I couldn't even pick one for my favorite yet. HHmm...Simple design, looks expensive and elegant. It's the best. Me and Ant bought a small table light, called Spoka . So cute. To turn it ON or OFF, U just need to press their heads *winks*. O yeah, not to forget, Ant took a picture for me with the 'superstar_light'. The mirror with all the light around it, normally when the superstar is getting their make up done. Wuah..feel like a star for 10 seconds *winks** Ant left my house at about 7.30 pm, after such a long day with this talkative lady. OUps

I had my dinner by myself. And later that night, Jen came over to put her stuffs before she headed off to the club. And came home a lil bit tipsy at 12.30 am. Lucky I didn't wait coz I was sooo tired. Hehe.

Another chapter of my heart. Now, I am really enjoying myself. I couldn't hide it. Neither good in expressing myself nor good in hiding my happiness when that someone is around. I might not be in a healthy situation now, but I also don't want to restrict myself to feel alive again. The consequences exist and I am aware of those. I only wish that, I can be as strong as I think I can be and be responsible of my actions.


June

Officially Alone

Valene's Birthday was on Tuesday, Nov 29. With Irene and Jen, we all started with Kimchi lunch @ Paramount Food Court in China town. It was the cheapest I could get with my favourite side dishes. And at night, we went to the Koko restaurant @ Crown. Eating Japanese food, it's kinda a challenge for me. It's not I couldn't eat or I don't like eating. I am in the process of learning. Back in Indo, I hardly ate Japanese food except Sushi. Cooked Sushi rolls. Ha2. I don't care about the food that night. What I love most and I treasure was the moment I had with the girls. I can't believe it, today is the 1st of December. Next year, it will be so much different. One by one..they are all leaving.

On that night, San called me from HK. I didn't realised till I got home and checked my diary, it was her birthday too. I felt terribly sorry. I am a really bad friend. But I do and seriously do wish San a happy Birthday, and I need to tell her, I will really miss her next year when she goes to US.

All my housemates are back in Indo now. That's why..I am officially alone for the coming few weeks. It's a challenge. Ant says that he will keep me company when he can. That's good enough. And I have Fadhilah and Gavin came and visit me yesterday. It was fun.
Btw, I had my Graduation Gawn collected yesterday. WOW...it's too big. And I went back to change to the size S, so I won't look too much like Harry Potter. I look soo funny with that gawn though.

I got a Job! I was sooo happy. Never feel so alive before. I realise that I can never initiate myself to do so. To apply a job, I am too passive compared to people around me. Need to stop comparing, coz June is Juni. Yet, It's really hard not to. Honestly.
I will not work till March next year, at the Commonwealth Games , helping the caterers. Thanks Ant!

Gavin came over yesterday night. He stayed over at my house doing homework that is overdued. OMG. I knew that I couldn't help much. All I can do is support him, I guess. We had dinner together. Chatted for quite a while. I was like a mum, kept bugging him to do work. Hopefully, I wasn't being too 'annoying'..

Btw, Yesterday night, all of a sudden, I feel that I have an emotional pain in my heart. I felt that there's something wrong with me. Is it sadness, loneliness or guilt? It's really hard for me to choose, to be true to myself and sentimental at the same time. Or to be realistic and not let myself go with the flow. I would love to treasure every second I have filled with happiness. Potentially, there'll be regrets. Black and White, it doesn't apply in me. There'll be always the grey area which is never clear. I am always 'trapped' in the middle. It is thus how people may think that I am indecisive and that I think too much. I can make myself happy, can't I? As long as, I am responsible of what I do, I am happy with that. If I have to suffer I can still survive. I have to be tough enough ;)

June