Recap-s

Thurs-Fri. 22-23.06.06
I had my 21st Birthday last week. It was good. Those things that I have been anticipating for few weeks earlier did actually happened. My housemates, actually one of best housemates, DINA, planned the dinner at one of the Italian Restuarant at Melbourne Central. Called SOS. It was special! I felt so special on that day. Thank them. I have to thank Jackson too, for helping out with the '1/2 surprise 1/2 expected' surprise. Was a nice surprise when Yenny and Cyin (very good friends from Gippsland) actually turned out that night. I didn't expect them to. Coz they 'lied' to me. Actually, the fun started the day before. One of my very best friends asked me out the night before my Bday. We had dinner at Hard Rock Cafe . The meals were huge. And it was nice. I got presents..including one bracelet. I wish I could take care of it more than I have! Also on that night, Jackson happened to have rented car. He went somewhere out of Melbourne that day. And at night, he let me have a try (of driving). Went to Dockland for a while..and for the first time, I drove an automatic car. I've got lots of messages from friends and some people that I would never expect them to have remembered my Birthday! The fact now is..I am Officially Old.

My friends from Gippsland are now staying at my home. I somehow feel that Home is no more Home for me. Note: They are staying with us temporarily, maybe during this holiday, or until they find a new place to stay. Yenny is going to stay either with us, or with her BF, Chris, at Clayton. Btw, I am so happy for her and Chris right now. Anyway..Cyin is looking for a new place. Not that I have any objection. I am glad, seriously, that they stay with us. It makes the home more 'alive' and less boring. But in a way, I feel that, I do need to as soon as I can, find a new place to stay. Especially my Bro is coming this Fri. So, things really need to be done. I am going to start inspecting apartments soon. But what concerns me is my prior agreement/discussion with some of my friends who want to live with me. I have this thought of living only with my Bro, in an apartment. Also, I don't want to disappoint my good friend. Sure we will sit down and have a chat about this soon.

Monday.26.06.06.
Caught up with Ant and went to have lunch at Paramount. Yummy! The Korean lunch Box. Met 2 of Ant's friends who we ended up having lunch together with. Nice couple! Then in the evening, I went to work. Was planning to go to Fed-Square to watch the soccer match, Aussie vs. Italy. After work Me, Ant and DIna went there to join the crowd. It was freezing cold though. Fed-Square was packed. Instead, we went down near the Yarra river, where they had that big screen too. Met Brodie and Iris there to (Ant's friends). Italy won. Only becoz there's Totti (my mum's favourite)..if not, I might have supported Aussie 100%ly. hhmm...
Ant stayed over..coz on the next day, he had his written chinese exam, in the city.

There is someone in my life who has been realy supportive. Never let me down and take me for granted. I don't know how I can thank him for every support he has given me. Though if I have to admit, I have been really unfair to him, really. I am truly sorry if I do. I have taken him for granted. When he looks at me, I look at someone else who doesn't even look at me. I really don't know what I am doing right now. Am I disappointing the wrong person, pleasing the wrong person? Or even doing the wrong thing to myself?

2 more days, my Brother will be here. I chatted with my mum this afternoon, about his leaving. I guess, my mum's a bit upset. There will be no more kids at home for her to take care of each day. As we all grow older, and slowly become more independent..I guess, she would have feel a 'loss' somehow. I don't know how's Dad going though. Maybe he would be upset too. I started my home hunting today. It wasn't that easy. The agents I went to told me that they would give me a call, once the apartments are open for inspection. So..I can't do much right now. I need to buy some stuffs for my Brother though. Blanket, Jacket..etc. Am still thinking and listing what I'd get for him.



:June

Can't fight fate

I had 2 exams this week, Business Law and Economics, and I have one more to go. I really don't know how good or how bad I went with those exams. Normally when people have exams, they sort of know or can measure how well they go with the exams. Not this time for me. Not that I take any of this subjects for granted. I tried my best. An open-book exam and an exam-with-a-cheat-sheet, both didn't really help me to convince myself that they will get me good grade though.

'Was/AM such a fool?'.
Should there be any excuse for a secret kept from you? Well, I guess..everyone has their prerogative. Totally agree. But it doesn't work that well if the secret kept is actually something that you wish is not kept from you knowing. It hurts either way. Not knowing that the secret exists is as much hurting as the secret itself. If that something is seriously none of my business, e.g: if my best friend is dating someone without telling me, that's cool. I believe people have their own privacy. But what if the secret is somehow something to do with me? I feel like a fool. Though it might be none of my business, but in fact is I know what's the untold. One more thing, I don't need people to do me any favor. Though I feel left out, I'm fine. I start to think, when I don't fit in a group, I just don't fit in. Used to keep trying, but I guess, the effort I've put in has been forsaken. It would be best to maybe have our seperate life instead of to keep on insisting.

Been chatting online with a 'so-long-never-met-online' friend. Someone, who I guess, can sort of 'calm' me when I have doubts in my minds with his advices. I wish, we could have maintained the friendship without ever had that 'pause' period. Well, hopefully, it will stay now. I hate the ON and OFF friendships/relationships. Coz it impacts me too much. As I grow older, I wish I can be more friendly with 'reality'. So that I know things are never absolute. They come and go. As much as I love changes, I hate it when it comes to any kinda of relationships I have with people.

When thing goes wrong, the best thing to do is to find something else to blame for the error, of course besides ourselves. If we can't find anything else to blame, we will blame the situation. A friend of mine told me, I have to start changing the way I think, for my own sake. For those who know me well enough, I am still the sensitive June. Maybe it annoys you sometimes, I get annoyed too when I can't kinda 'control' this. Am trying. SO, please excuse me.

I am currently anticipating few things that I assume would happen soon. My Bro is coming in less than 1 month, so I am now looking for a new place to stay. I hope, I can find somewhere in the city, live-able for the two of us. WIth great deal, not too expensive. I am excited. Though at the same time, I need to prepare myself for adjustment. Been living in QV, with my three other housemates means a lot to me. I will miss the daily chit-chats we have. And the constant support when I need it.
Something big is coming in 2 weeks time. And I am anticipating that too. COz I know, there will be something planned for me from my housemates and friends. I knew it. Maybe..instead of they surprise me, I should surprise them. *winks*

:June

Few random thoughts

Why bother ask, when we know the answer is not what we'd have wished it to be?
'Faith sees the invisible, touches the intangible and achieves the impossible'..really?
Why do we wish to be that someone when clearly we are not and won't be?
Why everything seems to be so complicated when it can be less complicated?
Why do we have to be those who help each other to find out what's next?
Why do we have to be the 'in-between' people?


:June