Should there be any boundary?

Caution: this post is about feeling, relationship..If U are not in that mood, please skip ;)

Does history repeat? I live my life today, but then I realize that I am afraid of my past. Afraid that the same bad history will repeat itself. And I am sure, the pain will double this time around.

Honestly, the past week has given my 'used-to-have' life. I find myself hypnotized by the attention someone new has given me. He is for real, not virtual as MR. 28. Though it has only been a week I know him, it feels like a month. Probably becoz we talk a lot. Well, what can I say? I am so upfront and I couldn't think of the reason why I am. It's just a good feeling to have this kind of affection I have been longing for ages.

I don't know where this is going. Honestly I don't. It might be to fast to jump into any conclusion. I am NOT going out with him though. As what my friends have been telling me, that I have to 'BE CAREFUL'.

I am wondering, should there be any boundary in a relationship? I am not sure where we are going, but can I just let everything flow the way it is? Should there be any rules? For example, people need to have a 'friendship-base' relationship before they go any further. This is to prevent the aftermath of the potential break-up in the future. Who plan to break up anyway?
But it's quite true, that it is either you continue until the marriage, or you'll break up, Only becoz U don't have any friendship base relationship, Rather because He likes U as a future-GF. How can I justify this? Coz it's easy to put the theory in, but to act upon it..it's Hard.

Not only I am named a 'Worrier',I guess I am. Now, typing this message, I think about my past relationship too. Am I too afraid to risk again? The past relatinship with a new stranger that had left me with an uncurable wound, which traumatize me now. I don't want any Dejavu in this. About letting-go too, should I be carefree to let my EX know what I am experiencing something new? Should I worry about him accepting this? Or am I being too 'thoughtful' on his behalf. I do worry about a lot of things. I worry that I do something wrong, or say something wrong. AS the results, I will 'lose' what I have had. Everytime now, when I have the free-time, I keep asking myself, "the last time I chatted with him, did I say this or that? Is he now thinking about my flaws?..etc". I guess, my biggest fear now is Judgement. It really is.

Today: Handed my last PR assignment. Work 12-3pm @ Nandos (no one cute came though, Haha). Finished work and have a 'trip'. Max Brenner-Swanston St walk-sunshine-Federation Square-chit chat-Tram/Train-Home...Haha. It's a Looooooooooooong story ;)
And I still have one more Essay due this Friday..then Fiji. And 'After-Fiji' plan is also waiting for me..

June

Within the last 2 weeks

Life is so short. I have only 2 weeks left in my Prof Comm degree. There are 3 more things and I am DONE. It's exciting yet sad. This means, I have less and less time with Irene, for example..which I try hard not to think. I always hate farewell..I promise, I will make the Fiji trip the best trip I (hopefully the girls too) have ever had. And second one would be the Honeymoon whoever will have it first amongst the girls..Hehe.

Went to Irene's house yesterday for an unplanned lunch. Nando's chicken wings and 'Sex & the City' were in the menu for that day ;) Had the girls' talk on Tuesday afternoon. There were some ONs with the girls' secret admirers..Woo hooooo...it was a good thing to actually share. Lately, I have been sharing too much things to people other than myself. Sometimes I feel like I am 'naked' when people know my story. Hehe..i think I am exaggerating. But I have to say, no one 'force' me to be that chatty..I choose it myself.

This morning, I got some work done. Yay! I did half of my essay on Sex & Gender in Asia, like 50%. It's due not until the 28 Oct though. I am glad that i can kick my arse, really get things done in time. Thanks for the motivation Mr. ANT. I am really glad that he is so 'hard-working' too and busy..Haha.

Recently, I ask myself, "Was I too protective sometimes?" or "I am sometimes too naive to know the distinction I need to know?" Had a long chat with Jimmy (one of my best Managers) yesterday and it was a nice chat. Although he is no more single since I knew him, but talking to him gave me a good feedback on myself. Yeah, I am always aware I need to know the limit. I love the feeling to be cared of and appreciated as who I am, yet sometimes I worry too much. As ANT says, I am a worrier (also a LMOAS)..Ha2. My new nickname ;) ANT is a guy I knew from Linda's Bday party 2 weeks ago. He is a great guy. I might not know him well enough to describe him, but what I can say now is he is a good, talented in Graphic Designing, hard-working, and a Big Brother->fullstop. I believe that the best is yet to come.

The major concern I have now is whether my Mum will actually be able to come to the graduation dated Dec 14. There's still no confirmation sadly. Sure I need to know it by this week, coz the confirmation of attendance is on the 28th Oct, and I need to know who are coming to my graduation. Sometimes I envy those parent who can come and go so often to visit their Children. If not often, at least Once. I wish my parent can come here, at least once, really want them to see the place where their self-centered-second-daughter has spent for the last 2 1/2 years.


June

Dinner with San & Diana

I spent my Wednesday quite relaxingly. I had the last tute for my Sex & Gender in Asia tute. Went to Melbourne UNiversity to borrow some books that I couldn't find in my own Library. Then, spent the afternoon in the computer Lab where I supposed to have done some work...but ended up did only 'some' work.

Earlier this week, I planned for a dinner with San, a girl doing Public Relations course @ RMIT. This dinner is for her, before she goes back to HK this Saturday. San is such a smart, hard-working girl. Passionate in PR industry and she is planning to 'transfer herself' to U.S for further study in Public Relations. Thumbs up for her Passion. I envy her for this actually..of course in a positive way though. I wish I could have had something that I can want to achieve, aim for, plan for, go for. Initially, if she makes up her mind and go to U.S, this dinner might be the last dinner we have had. We went to ITO, a Japanese restaurant on Bourke Street, and after that head off for desert, actually venezuela milk chocolate @ Max Brenner. For sure we took pictures. One more thing about San that I wouldn't forget, we did the Communication Law & Regulation presentation once this semester and we both fought back for what we thought we deserve on the marking Process...wow, from 20 to 25, out of 30, which is more than satisfactory...Cool San!! I wouldn't have done that without her :)

On the other hand..Diana..another mature girl from Singapore. She is so knowledgeable, smart and assertive. She knows what she is doing. Three of us had a long chat, yeah..girls' talks which include the problems with having BF or ex-BF, cat-fight among siblings (especially girls) and also my dream job..MTV. Indeed, she is really helpful. Let's hope that Diana really can help me with my journey to MTV.

Well, got home around 10.30 pm. Let's agree with this.."Mums have the absolute six sense". My mum, who never call unless I make the first attempt to sms or call back home, indeed called me. Then, she found out I wasn't at home earlier...Oups. Anyway, there is always bad news from my beloved hometown. My mum updated me. Sadly, her friend had just been hypnotized and robbed. And one other bad news is my oldest auntie is now not in a good condition, she might need to stay in hospital becoz there is a complication of diseases. What can i do? Hopefully, things get better..

My Housemates. I chatted with Yang for 20 minutes, and he was giving me a lot of advices. Asking me to plan ahead what I want to do, at least for the coming 2 years. I felt so appreciated. Btw, tomorrow my housemates are leaving Melbourne. Yang (the BF)is going to stay in Sydney for good. Ching2, his GF, is going back on Monday and she will really leave Melbourne next month. And when that happens, officially I will not have them as my housemates no more. I used to think, people always have profound bond with their housemates. Ur housemates are like your family. Indeed, we don't really share 'everything' to each other like what housemates should be, and probably we might not know each other 100%ly. Yet, personally, I care and love them a lot. I wonder if the 'unblended' situation that has been happening for the past one year is due to the fact that I am not really good in expressing myself as a good housemate. I never want to be an ideal housemate, but i wish I could have had a more proper, close, 'opened', upfront relationship with them.

Anyway,
Nb: Thanks for reading

June

Limousine, Champagne, Ball..what a night

I had so much fun. After the crazy week with with two assingments due on the same day, at last I was able to enjoy the night. Initially, we (the girls) had been hunting for dress, what to wear that night..when I thought about that, it was like preparing ourselves going to a red-carpet event where U will be asked 'where did U get this wonderful dress, and who did ur hair..etc' ..Haha, feel like superstars Hey!!

It's not exaggerating..but I enjoyed the night a lot. This is my first Ball *winks* It seemed like a little girl longing for a chocolate-milk-bar..Haha. It started with the limousine. Irene and friends had decided that we would hire a limousine, drive around for 1/2 hour and then go the South Atlantic Wharf, the venue for the Ball. Wuah..what a glamorous white limousine..feel like a star. WE had champagne as a 'starter'..hhmm...everyone was still sober by the time we arrived at the Ball.

Next, the Ball. I took sooooo many pictures with my Uni mates ;) While taking those pics, I realised that I might not see them after graduation this December. First, the gorgeous Stephanie..I love her. She is one of the most friendly Aussies I've ever met. And, what she wore that night, was the best dress that night. There were also Auskar (the even organiser -> always the best), Marion (the lovely and amazing Marion), Gavin and his gank. And of course, my own gank..the Gals + Krystal, Franco and Richie.

From slow jazz music to the clubbing music, it's almost perfect. Not to forget, there were a lot of people kinda 'making out' that night, hhmm.. What a surprise. Well, I guess, it's the alcohol. There were lots of half-sober people, and Jen was the one who always says "She's drunk" or "He's gone" after having a 30 chat with 'them'. I wonder, "how can U tell? Teach me!" :)

The food was good..although I could hardly finish each meal I had that night. And also, after the Ball..we went to the 'after party' @ Lotel, St Kilda. HHmm..the party bus with the disco lights, wow everyone was dancing like they were already in the club. :)

Overall, no regrets for spending more than $200 for the Ball..hhmm..yap, excuse me.

June

Deep condolence

There is nothing worst than bad news from my home country, Indonesia. I could hardly complain, but that's the way it is. It's either shortage of petrol, electicity or the terrorist bombing which always shakes the country. Big condolence for those suffer from the attack..I can only pray. It's bizzare. There was a bomb blast yesterday night (1/Oct/2005) and it hit Bali for the second time within 3 years. Yeah..again :( I wonder when multicultural country like Indonesia (HHmm..too much philosophy) can actually have a peaceful day where eveyone lives in harmony. Why there are always problems each day in Indonesia? Not to forget that my family is in Indonesia..It's kinda I have to always have the mental preparation. Coz I have to expect the unexpected to happen. Still remember the hollowing earthquakes after the Tsunami..hhmm...I hardly dare to recall those terrible anecdotes I had. I can only hope. Please bless all the people I love and my beloved family in Indonesia..couldn't ask for more.

Well, this is the worst thing that fill my last day of holiday. Tomorrow, I have to start kick my arse off..Do assignments..and officially there's no more holiday. Within a month, everything should be done..and I am graduating. And Fiji is waiting for this stubborn yet lovely girl..wakakka...just kidding.

Btw..I have been coughing again. Real bad. And the funny thing is that, when sister called yesterday..she is back in Medan, Dad says he will call tonight. SO, I have to make sure, I am fine by then..which is impossible..I reckon. Well, it's nice..but sometimes 'frustrating'..:) Love U dad!!
I start to worry about my health now..am I that 'weak'. I never sick and refused to be sick (Yeah, Martin will say 'what the hell are U thinking, stop denying that!)..Hehe..I assume he will say that btw. Two days ago, 2.08 a.m. I made a suden phone call, just to inform or at least talk to someone. And I didn't know why I did that. Most probably..coz I thought I was dying..but whether I was concious or not..I was scared to death that I'll die from that cough. Hope that this is the first and the last..It's just too scary.

Currently, the sun shining and the local temperature is 20. I guess, I better enjoy the day..It's the perfect weather to be out there..probably beach, but no sun bathing for me..:)

June